Funny Jokes Cont...

Sardar's and Jurassic Park
This Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" (What Sardarji? Are you afraid of the cinema?).

Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "( I am an intelligent(?) man, I know it is a movie, but does that animal know?)

38	INDIAN
	Sardar's Answering Machine A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Idiot! phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" (Idiot! He's taking the phone and saying he's not there.)

39	INDIAN
	A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing. The bystander explains that a Marathon race is going on. Sardar : What do they get from that? Bystander : The winner will get a prize. Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

40	INDIAN
	A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, 'Wash Basin' ".

INDIAN

There's a funeral procession of a Sardar going on a busy street.

All the Sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its a marriage baraat.

So one of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh Saab, aap ka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?"

....comes the reply, "Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli bar ek Sardar "brain" tumour se mara hai!!!"

42	INDIAN
	Two Sardarji walked toward each other on a country road. One carried a burlap bag over his shoulder. "Hey Bhai," first Sardarji drawled, "what's in the bag?" "Chickens," was the reply. "If I guess how many, can I have one?" "You can have both of them." The Sardarji replied "OK, Five."

43	INDIAN
	Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?" "Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!" "Oh! How nice it would be," said Banta with joy, "I have been illiterate for so long."

INDIAN

RAILWAY TICKET

A Sardarji was travelling in a train. The ticket checker (T.C.) came and asked him to show his ticket.

The Sardarji politely asked, "Which one should I show, the one in my right pocket or the one in my left pocket?"

The T.C. was taken aback. He then said, "Show me the ticket in your right pocket".

The Sardarji promptly showed the ticket. it was perfectly in order. The T.C. then requested the Sardarji to show the ticket in his left pocket also. That was also in order.

The T.C. then asked for the reason for buying two tickets.

The Sardarji explained, "If someone picks one pocket then I have the other ticket left." The T.C. asked again, "Suppose someone picks both your pockets, what happens?"

The Sardarji replied with a smile,” I have third ticket inside my PAGADI"

45	INDIAN
	Mr. and Mrs. Banta Singh's two-year-old boy was bawling away loudly. Mrs. Singh asked her husband why their son was being so difficult. "He wants to take a ride on a donkey," replied Banta. "Then why don't you put him on your shoulders and go for a run?"

INDIAN

Hidden Camera
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.

Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?"

Santa: "Hidden cameras!"

Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"

Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World channel'. How does he know that?"

TEENS

Jesus Is Watching

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who the hell are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?"

"Probably the same kind of people that would name a rotweiller Jesus," the bird answered.

TEENS

2 Black Eyes
A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other one idiot?" the boss asked.

"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."

INDIAN

Santa standing on the top of the Qutubminar viewing Delhi city. Suddenly his wrist watch fell down. Hurriedly Santa goes down standing at the bottom of the Qutubminar with both of hands up on the air in a way to catch the watch. He stands there for 15 minutes when one of his friends came and asked Santa for the reason to stand in such a way.

Santa replied : I am waiting for my watch to fell down since last fifteen minutes.

Friend : But that watch would already have fallen down at the instant.

Santa: No man, my watch is half an hour late.

TEENS

Drink Problem
A drunk walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

So, the bartender does just that, and hands the man the bill.

The drunk says, "I haven't got any money." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.

The very next day, the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

The bartender figures that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt. He pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself, and hands the drunk the bill.

Again, the drunk says, "I haven't got any money."

The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, and then throws him out into the street.

The next day, the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says, "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink and give me the bill."

In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?" The drunk replies, "Nope! You get too violent when you drink."

TEENS

Drink Policy
A man walks in the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him?

The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, and climbs down off the barstool and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink.

The bartender comes over and, still politely - but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab. The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a barstool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk and will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately. The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries, "MAAAN! How many bars do you work at?

TEENS

Speed limit
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 Mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119."

TEENS

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm a fantastic dancer."
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's a fantastic dancer."
That's Advertising.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie,you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm a fantastic dancer."
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're a fantastic dancer."
That's Brand Recognition!

TEENS

It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child, was home alone with her 3 year old daughter, Katelyn. Heidi started to go into labor and called "911". Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic was able to respond to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his feet, and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help, and asked the wide eyed, 3 year old Katelyn what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Spank him again."