It's always darkest before dawn. So, if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

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No one is listening until you make a mistake.

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Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

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Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

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It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

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If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

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If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

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If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

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Some days you are the bug. Some days you are the windshield.

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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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Don't squat with your spurs on.

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Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

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The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

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A closed mouth gathers no foot.

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Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

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There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

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Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

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Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

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Never mess up an apology with an excuse.