161    

   INDIAN 

Santa and the Interviewer
Santa Singh, who has a bad memory, goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, can you tell us your age, please?"

Santa counts carefully on his fingers for half a minute before replying. "Um .. 28."

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"

The man stands up and produces a measuring tape from his bag. He then traps one end under his foot and extends the tape to the
top of his head. He checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot four!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the he won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

Santa Singh bobs his head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to himself, before replying, "Santa Singh!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "What were you doing when I asked you your name?"

"Oh, that!" replies Santa," I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'"

 

    162    

  TEENS 

The Godfather
The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant doesn't answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you."

The Godfather says, "Well, ask him where the @#!* money is."

The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the three million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about." The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where the @#!* money is!"

The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "Okay! Okay! The money's hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather says, "Well, what did he say?"

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

 

    163    

   TEENS 

"Press bell for night watchman"
Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman." She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

"Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?"

"I just wanted to know why you can't ring it for yourself."

 

    164    

   INDIAN 

Another Chance...

Banta Singh has been attending the Singh International Training College, a school set up to give the likes of him a chance to make it in the real world. For 10 years, he keeps failing this one class that he needs to graduate: basic math. The administrators want to get him out to make room for new students, but can't just give him the grade.

So, they instead decide to ask him a simple math question at the graduation ceremony in case he fails at exams. If he answers this correctly, he graduates. Sure enough, he fails the class again.

But, this time he is called on stage. He is made to stand before everyone and the administrators say, 'Although you lack one class for graduation, we have decided to pass you if you can answer this one question. What is two plus two?'

Banta Singh thinks about it for a while and finally says, 'Four.'

The whole crowd (Sardars) stands up in objection and demands, ' Please give him another chance!'

 

    165    

   INDIAN 

Mere Haath Mein Kya?

Once a sardar asks another sardar...
Sardar #1: Tell me what's in my hand? And if you're right, then I will give this button to you.
Sardar #2 (Tthinking): No not like this. Give me some sort of clue.
Sardar #1: Okay! This thing is round in shape.
Sardar #2 (Again thinking): Many things are round in shape. Give me another clue.
Sardar #1: This thing has 4 holes in it.
Sardar #2: I got it. I got it.
Sardar #1: Bol to kya hai mera hath mein.
Sardar #2: Scooter ka paiya. (Wheel of a scooter)

 

    166    

  INDIAN 

Santa singh & message board

Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall.

It read 'Padne waala gadha.' (one who reads this is an ass)

Santa Singh sat on a nearby bench, and after much thought erased it and wrote 'Likhne waala Ghadah'. (One who wrote this is an ass)

 

    167    

  INDIAN 

Banta Singh in Heaven

After death, Banta Singh reached the door of the heaven smoothly.

There he met Saint Peter and he said, 'Well, Banta...It is nice to talk to you but we have changed our policy these days. I will ask you a
question and you need to answer it correctly before you go in.'

Banta, with lot of self confidence told Saint Peter to go ahead and ask him the damn question.

Saint Peter - How many seconds are there in a year?

Banta, after lot of thought, answered,'12'.

Astonished Saint Peter asked him - But how?

Banta - January 2nd,February 2nd,March 2nd,..........

 

    168    

  INDIAN 

Sardarji & Telugu

One day a Sardarji talking with his friend.......
Sardarji: We have to learn Telugu within 6 months or we will not be able to communicate with my child.
Friend: Is it! Why?
Sardarji: We have adopted a telugu child and it will start to speak after 6 months.

 

    169    

   INDIAN 

Garry Kasporav & Sardarji

Mr Banta Singh is traveling from Moscow to Bhatinda. Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess to kill time.

Banta : 'Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who you are?. I can't compete with a world champion'

Gary : 'How about if I play left handed ?'

Banta : [Think.. Think..] 'OK!'

Banta is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Santa Singh.

Banta : Hey! You know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me inspite of him playing left-handed.....

Santa : Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! You know what!! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!

 

    170    

  INDIAN 

Cheating...

How Does a Sardar Cheat the Railways?

He buys the ticket but doesn't travel !

 

171    

  INDIAN 

One day evening a Sardarji starts from office to home with pushing his scooter manually. He met his friend on the way...

Friend: why are you pushing your scooter manually?

Sardarji: 'I forgot to bring the scooter key from my home.

Friend: 'Is it! Then, How did you come to office from home in the morning?'

Sardarji: 'I was pushing my scooter from home to office also in the morning.'

 

    172    

  INDIAN 

Sardar ji sleeping in his house one night hears some raffling and shuffling in the other room.

Convinced it is a burgler he jumps up and runs into the other room to find an asian man. He shouts: "o badmaash, me thinoo phad liya main choodna ne".

The burgler freezes and putting his hands together anxiously says: "o paa jee, maaf kar do, mein tuwaada singh pai laghda"

Sardar ji says: "Achaa, e gal e? thu singh hega? teri pug (Turban) kithe gaye a"?

Burglar replies "Tusi itthe wait kuro mein huni le ke aanda". The burgler leaves and doesn't return.

Two weeks later, the same burgler is in the same home shuffling away. In a fury sardar ji jump up and approaching him shouts out: "O badmaash, last time mein tinoo chud ditha si... hon tu ithe rook - mein teri pug le ke aandha".

 

    173    

  TEENS 

'Spaghetti'
A doctor was having an affair with his Italian-born nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. 

"But how will I let you know when the baby is born?" she asked.

He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back.

I'll take care of all the child's expenses." 

Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." 

The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home, and I will explain it to you." 

Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked her what she thought might have caused the cardiac arrest. The wife picked up the card and read it to him: "Four Spaghettis: Two with sausage and meatballs, two without."

 

    174    

   PICTURES 

    175    

   TEENS 

YOP! He can't swim

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."

 

    176    

  TEENS 

The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going.

"One million dollars," the engineer answered. "And I want to donate it all to my Alma mater-Rice University."

The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked him the same question.

"Two millions dollars," the doctor said. "I want to give a million to my family and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."

"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.

The lawyer replied, "You give me three million, I'll give you one million, I'll keep a million, and we'll send the engineer."

 

    177    

   INDIAN 

All of you must have seen the Dev Anand mega hit film 'Guide'. In the film there is a famous song 'gaata rahe mera dil...'. In this song,Waheeda Rehman wears a pink saree and throughout the song wears the same Dress.

So when we have a trend of heroines changing clothes every sequence, the big question is: Why doesn't Waheda Rehman change her saree throughout the entire song?

The answer to this is simply amazing and no amount of head scratching will give u the answer. Select the text between the [ • ] dots.

Ans:  • B'Coz in the first stanza of the song, devanand sings the following lines:
Oo mere humrahi,
meri bah thamen chalna,
badle duniya 'SAREE' ,
tum na badalna...'  •

 

    178    

   TEENS 

Smells of silence

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts... although still silent...stink terribly."

The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing.

 

    179    

   PICTURES 

    180    

  PICTURES