Jokes 6

113	KIDS
	One time I farted so bad that I had to spend ten years in jail for air pollution.

114

TEENS

Farts with Guts
There was a guy who would sit in front of the TV all day and fart. Not gassy air farts, greasy wet ones.
This angered his wife and she would always say, "one day you're gonna fart your guts out." One day, as the wife was preparing a turkey for supper, the husband fell asleep. She took the innards of the turkey and placed them in the underwear her husband was wearing. She then went back to cooking the turkey.
Later on that night, her husband came do the dinner table looking very frightened.
"What happened?" asked his wife.
"Well," the man said, "you were right. I farted my guts out."
"what did you do?" asked his wife.
"Well with the Grace of God and these first two fingers I got 'em all back up in there!"

115

TEENS

A woman who loved baked beans had to give them up because they caused so much gas.
One day it was her birthday and her car broke down. As she was walking home, she passed a diner that had baked beans on special. She figured since it was still a long walk home, she would have some beans.
On her way home, she began to fart. Just when the last fart came, she arrived home.
Her husband met her at the door and said I have a surprise for you, but you must put on this blindfold. He led her to the dinner table and she sat down.
Just then the phone rang and the husband went to the next room to answer it. She felt a fart coming on, so she let it rip. Then another and a third and a fourth before her husband got back.
He then took off her blindfold and there sat six of her closest friends for a birthday party.

116

TEENS

Three men, one English, one Australian and one Japanese had a competition to see who could run the longest in a 100 meter course without farting.
They all set off, the English man farted first at the 25 meter mark then the Australian man at the 50 meter mark, but the Japanese guy didn't fart for the whole 100 meters!
"How did you do that?" The English and the Australian guys asked.
The Japanese guy replied "Me no stupid me no dumb, me stick finger up my bum!"

117	TEENS
	Three gays are in a Jacuzzi, when suddenly a sperm bubble comes to the surface. One of them says: - who farts?

118

TEENS

A woman goes into the doctor's office and says, "Doctor, you have to help me...I've got this problem; You see I can't stop farting. I fart all the time, only they are silent and don't stink. As a matter of fact, I've farted 20 times just now while talking to you".
The doctor fills out a prescription and tells the lady: "here, take these and come back in a week".
So she leaves and a week later comes back to the doctors office. "Doctor, doctor you must help me! Now things are worse. I'm still farting all the time, they are still silent but now they smell something awful. You must do something! What were those pills you gave me?"
The doctor replied, "Oh don't worry, those pills where just to fix your sinus condition, now we'll work on your hearing problem".

119

TEENS

Question: Is it true that the extinction of the dinosaurs can be attributed to the fart?
Answer: VERY POSSIBLE. The extinction of the dinosaur and the rise of the mammal coincide at about 70 million years ago has led scientists to the "furry fart theory". With the mammals came the first true farts. The addition of extra methane and hydrogen sulfide to the air polluted the dinosaur's system and eventually came to interrupt the shell-forming glands of these reptiles. The soft eggs easily broke when jostled. With fewer eggs surviving, fewer and fewer dinosaurs survived until none were left.

120

TEENS

There was a girl who lusted after a man. She wanted him. He asked her out for a date. He was to come to pick her up at 7pm on Saturday.
At 6 55pm she felt that she had to fart. She did not want to fart in the house because she knew that it would smell and she did not want to have the man think that she had a stinky house. The fart was balled up in her intestines. It hurt. She had to fart. She developed a quick plan. When he walked her to the car he would open her door. She would fart while he walked around the car to his door. She would open the car window and fan all of the "offensive" gas out of the car before he got in.

The man arrived at 7pm, walked her to the car and opened the door as planned. When she got in she farted, a very loud BRAAAAAAT. She opened the window and waved her hands to fan the smell out. She was comfortable. The man got in, indicated to the back seat and said, "Oh, by the way, I want to introduce you to my parents. They are going to eat with us".

101	PICTURES
	Please!

102	PICTURES
	Alternative Medicine

103	PICTURES
	Medical Piccaso!

104	PICTURES
	Blood Suckers