Jokes 14

261

INDIAN

Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar.
The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan."

Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very inefficient," he stated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!"

262	INDIAN
	After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go modeling. Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION! "Laloo, third from left!"

263	INDIAN
	At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?" Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."

265	INDIAN
	Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas's, he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji..Could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...". The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately replies "Thank You!" and puts the phone down.

266	INDIAN
	Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT PLEASE" For which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...

267

INDIAN

Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: "God when shall I see the defeat of Bill Clinton."

God replies: "Son, you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.

Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: "God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan." God replies: "Son, you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts crying and goes away.

Laloo Yadav visits God and asks him: "God when shall I see Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state." Hearing this, God starts crying.

Laloo is astounded and asks: "God, why are you crying?"

God replies: "Son, I will not see it in my lifetime"

268

INDIAN

After digging to a depth of 100m last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

So as not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200m, and headlines in the US newspapers read: "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibbers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians."

One week later, the Indian press reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 800m, Indian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using mobile phones and used wireless communications."

269

INDIAN

Two rich men were talking over coffee and croissants at their country club one day and one of them said to the other one, Hey, I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't think so?

Let me show you. And he called his driver Banta Singh over and said, "Banta, here is a 10 dollar bill, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes." To which Banta replied, "Yes Sir! Right away!" and rushed off to the showroom.

The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid."

The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." And he called his driver, Santa Singh: "Santa, go home now and check to see if I'm at home."
Sardar Ji Santa said, "Yes Sir!! Right away, Sir" and ran home.

"See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here."

Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Banta said to Santa, "Eh, you know my boss is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and asked me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes.....Doesn't he know that today is Sunday? The showroom is closed!" Santa replied, "You think he is stupid, huh? My boss is so much worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home....He's got a cellphone, right, he can just call home to check!

270

INDIAN

All the police organizations in the world are called to meet at a common place to evaluate the best organization. Only major organizations like the New York Police, the Melbourne Police, Scotland Yard, the Dutch Police and the Mumbai Police pass the eliminations round.

Now the task is to select the best one among them. Surprisingly, all the 5 groups do equally well in all the events so the judges put in a last (tiebreak) event to select the best team. They set a tiger free into a nearby forest and the team that catches the tiger in the least amount of time is to be declared the winner.

First the Dutch Police go into the jungle and catch the tiger in 30 minutes. Next the Melbourne Police go and return in 20 min. with the tiger. After this the New York police go and catch the tiger in 15 min. Next Scotland Yard detectives go in and catch the tiger in a mere 10 min. The Mumbai Police have the the last slot. The tiger is released and the Mumbai Police start chasing it. 10 min go by.......20 min go by......30 min go by....1 hour passes by....3 hours pass by.

The judges get vexed and decide to go into the jungle in search of the Mumbai Police. In a short time after getting into the jungle, they are amazed to find a big BEAR tied to a tree trunk, being hit left and right by the Mumbai Police,who are shouting, 'BOL TU SHER HAI ........... SALE BOL ! TU SHER HAI !' ('Come on say...... you are the lion!)

271

INDIAN

Sardar Ji There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

The Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the city play ground". Signed, "A Sardarji".

The Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with note saying, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji?"

273	KIDS
	The woman who had just gotten on bus handed the bus driver a brand new five-dollar bill. I’m sorry I don’t have any dimes for the fare, she said apologetically. Don’t worry, said the bus driver, reaching for change-maker. You’ll have fifty of them in a minute.

278	KIDS
	A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"

280	KIDS
	Barber : Sir, Would you mind turning the other side of your face toward me? Customer : Oh, are you through shaving this side? Barber : No, but I can't stand the sight of blood.

264	INDIAN
	Laloos family planning policy. "DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR"

272	KIDS
	Policeman: The signs all say, Speed limit, 15 miles an hour. Motorist: But officer, how could I read them when I was going over 50?

274	KIDS
	You’d better go a little slower - you’re doing 70 miles an hour. Imagine that! And I only learned how to drive yesterday!

275	KIDS
	Hey, you - you’re blocking traffic. Can’t you go any faster? Yes, but I don’t want to leave the car.

276	KIDS
	Boarder: Does the water always come through the roof like this? Landlord: No - only when it rains.

277	KIDS
	Wife: How many times have I told you not to be late for dinner? Husband: I don’t know. I thought you were keeping score.

279	KIDS
	Lady of the House : If the master bring home some friends for dinner, will you be prepared? Cook : Yes ma'am - my bag is already packed.